I wrote in March about why we’re all still here, and now three months later (or whenever you’re reading this) we still are. Yay!! Keep reading if you want to find out how to release negative feelings. I’ve got a great technique to share with you. But first let me rewind…

So, I made it to 60.

Well, God and a lot of people have helped me make it this far. But there were some special people who made my night blimmin beautiful. Especially my girl Bayleigh and her buddy Wairua who created signage, a balloon backdrop, and a lavish grazing table for the 80-100 guests to enjoy.

Then there was Pale, Bayleigh’s dad who MC’d and put together a fantastic band that got rave reviews, Claire who made a cake for me and one for Bayleigh (whose birthday is the day after mine!), and of course the gorgeous friends who came and made it so special.

The speeches were very moving. Someone said it was like a fantastic funeral – in a great way – where you get to hear what everyone thinks of you instead of it all being said once you’re dead. SOOO cool. I was very overwhelmed with love.

Absent friends

It made me think of friends who weren’t there. Then last night I was talking to Bayleigh about….well we always talk about A LOT of things. We cover a huge spectrum of subjects in our Wednesday catch ups but last night’s gave me an epiphany! So, I was immediately excited to overcome my writer’s block to share with YOU!

A few years ago I had a friend who unfriended me because she felt our values were very different and she decided I’d breached a boundary. It was completely out of the blue and I was hugely hurt. How could she have a value that was sooo different to mine that she had to put up a boundary wall and end our friendship? I felt we had very similar values and that’s why we were friends.

It really stuck with me, and Bayleigh and I have discussed boundaries more than once since then. She’s very pragmatic about these things and is huge on setting boundaries – something I’ve not been so great at until I actually learned what they were and how to set them. In fact, I think one of the first times I tried setting a boundary was with her haha. More on boundaries in a future letter.

Anyhoo…when I lose friends for any reason I grieve. But I’m not great at sitting in a negative feeling…and feeling it.

I tend to skip through life, breeze over the negative stuff, and remain positive. Whereas Bayleigh is fantastic at sitting in the feeling, which helps her get over things quicker, and in a much healthier way. I was always worried about wallowing in self-pity, but that’s quite different from allowing yourself to feel a feeling in order to release it.

How to release negative feelings

We talked about a great technique we’ve both learned – STOP AND FEEL, where you realise you’re feeling something negative and are about to skip past it and focus on something else, but instead – you stop and feel it. Here are the steps:

1. Identify what you’re feeling – is it anger, sadness, anxiety, fear?
2. Close your eyes and picture it sitting on a bench next to you. What does it look like? Cry if you need!
3. Thank it for visiting, the lessons, wish it well and say goodbye.
4. Then open your eyes.

It’s a great practise!!

You’ve survived and thrived!

I used to worry about crying about something that was upsetting me in case I couldn’t stop. I don’t know why it all goes back to that whole wallowing issue, and other’s telling me about the big black hole they sometimes fall into. I didn’t want to end up there, so I’d brush past my feelings.

But this technique helps you to stop, feel it, let it go, and move forward.

And here’s where the epiphany happened – Bayleigh reminded me that I’ve got a 100% success rate for getting through grief, anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, and surviving others’ opinions.

100%!!!

I’m here and have made it through…and I love that. What an awesome thing to remind yourself of when you’re worrying about anything or feeling negative feelings.

Just think – ‘I’ve made it through 100% of situations I’ve encountered – I’ll make it through this one’. Stop and feel it, then move forward.

In fact, let’s not even think of it as just ‘making it through’ let’s say, “I’ve thrived through 100% of these situations, and I’ll thrive through this one too!”

Happy thriving!